Daddy's Girl

I miss my dad. So much that it hurts. I'm not sure if he knows how much I love him. I doubt it.

I've been a good daughter. "Have been" because I've turned into a selfish brat over the past few years. Maybe it's my rebellion phase. I dunno. What I know is that I was tired. Of doing things people expect me to do. And of meeting and exceeding those expectations. I got lost because of that. Until now, I'm still confused about what to do with my life.

And so I decided to leave. To get away from it all. To find and learn to love myself. To be free and independent. To realize what is it that I really wanted out of life and to start to make the most out of it. And to appreciate everything and everyone back home. Learning Mandarin was just a bonus. I just grabbed the opportunity to be able to leave. Fast.

I didn't think I was gonna learn all those in my brief stay here in Shanghai. I thought it was going to take much longer. So I even planned and bragged about planning to work here. But everything seems to be backfiring. I miss home. So much.

I miss the good food. I miss sleeping on my bed. I miss our doggy. I miss the petty fights with my bro and sis. I miss seeing the table already set. I miss a clean house. I miss my friends. I miss the nights out. I miss watching movies in a movie house. I miss “ihaw-ihaw.” I miss mangoes. I miss Cebu’s lechon. I miss walking around the house, wondering what to do next. I miss having someone to do stuff for me. I miss teasing my shobe. I miss HBO and the Disney Channel. I miss the telenovelas. I miss the restos. I miss the malls.

And I really, really miss my dad. How I wish I were sweet and showy of my emotions towards him. Maybe I could give him a hug when I get home. Or even text him now how much I love him and how I much I appreciate everthing he has done for me.

Haaay….

I really wanna go home….=(